Where does the time go?
February 12, 2023
This is the Too Many Trees newsletter, where I share what I’ve been writing and reading in the realm of leadership and personal development. My executive coaching practice is centered around the idea that we are more effective in moving towards our goals when we become more conscious and intentional in focusing our time and attention, and learn how our unconscious patterns are holding us back. If you know somebody that could benefit from my perspective, please forward this to them or let them know they can set up a free intro chat with me.
It’s somewhat bewildering to me that we are already well into February, and yet I feel like I just barely started the year and haven’t made progress on my goals. But when I review where my time has gone, I realized I have added several new activities this year:
I have been investing in my 2022 intention to connect with courage and vulnerability by spending 5+ hours each week connecting with new people and reconnecting with old friends.
I’ve been building a habit of running a couple times a week, and really enjoying longer trail runs.
I joined the Mountain View Library Board of Trustees, a citizen volunteer committee appointed by the city council to oversee library operations.
And yet before writing out that list, I was beating myself up for not having done a bunch of the things I said I wanted to do this year, like make progress on writing my book, or getting my tax materials prepared, or various tasks around the house (I did start the process of installing solar panels though). I was holding myself to the same expectations on my old activities as before, despite having added these new activities.
There’s only a limited amount of time each week to do things, even though I am self-employed and control my schedule. If I do more running or connecting with friends, that means less time to be “productive” in my business or as a writer. It’s a choice, and one I was making somewhat intentionally, even if parts of my brain were holding me to a higher (and unreasonable) standard.
Speaking of choices, I have an unexpectedly free morning while my wife takes the kids, so I’m going to take advantage and choose to head out for some exercise, rather than keep writing here. See ya!
And now for the normal personal development content…
LinkedIn: These are ideas that have helped my clients (or myself), and that I share via LinkedIn to help a wider audience.
Don’t sacrifice yourself. Rather than sacrifice yourself for others, placing their welfare above your own, consider whether you would choose to do the same action of your own free will. If so, focus on the choice, rather than the sacrifice. If not, consider whether the relationship is worth sacrificing for.
Practice celebration and intention setting: I find it helpful to set aside time each week to celebrate positive behaviors from the previous week (you get more of what you celebrate), and to set an intention for the week ahead as a conscious reminder to not get swept away by the day to day tasks and focus on what matters most to me.
Choose what game to play. You can’t succeed at doing it all, so be intentional about choosing what matters most to you as a focus, and what else you might have to give up to enable that success.
What are you missing? Navigating a complex and volatile world means learning to understand and appreciate different perspectives. I've started to ask the question "What am I missing?" to cultivate this curiosity mindset in myself.
Articles and resources I’ve found interesting:
The Serious Side of Mansplaining Has Been Lost, by Rebecca Solnit, who inspired the term originally. As she explains, it’s not just about men speaking over women:
“It’s one corner of a colossal problem, in which biases, statuses and assumptions warp everyday life and allocate more credibility, audibility and consequence to some people than others. All this creates what I think of as inequality of voice. … Non-white people are too often assumed to be less trustworthy, less qualified to speak and act in many kinds of situation, and – to state the obvious – too often regarded as criminal simply on the basis of colour. …
My goal always was to advocate for a democracy of voice, for equality in who gets to speak, who’s heard, and who’s believed and respected when they speak, across all categories.”
Multiracial Whiteness, a Washington Post op-ed by Cristina Beltrán which offers “Rooted in America’s ugly history of white supremacy, indigenous dispossession and anti-blackness, multiracial whiteness is an ideology invested in the unequal distribution of land, wealth, power and privilege — a form of hierarchy in which the standing of one section of the population is premised on the debasement of others.” I don’t know if I totally agree with her position, but I see the overlap she describes between whiteness as a social construct, and extractive colonialism and capitalism.
Why I Hate the Term ‘Latinx’, by Bryan Betancur. I’d seen people shift to using Latine as a gender-neutral term rather than Latinx, but I actually didn’t know why. Betancur explains that Latinx only works in written form, and makes more sense for English speakers, whereas Latine works in spoken language, and makes more sense for Spanish speakers, as it is aligned with other Spanish gender-neutral terms like estudiante (for student).
This link came from Karen Catlin’s helpful weekly newsletter 5 Ally Actions, which I appreciate in raising my awareness of these subtle distinctions.
Thanks for reading! See you in a couple weeks!
