This is the Too Many Trees newsletter, where I share what I’ve been writing and reading in the realm of leadership and personal development. My coaching practice is centered around the idea that we are more effective in moving towards our goals when we become more conscious and intentional in focusing our time and attention.
It’s been six weeks since I last published a newsletter, and this edition will be exceptionally long as a result. My apologies, but apparently I had a lot to share, with thoughts on motivation, a podcast recording of a coaching session, an exhortation to vote, and the usual LinkedIn posts and links I’ve found interesting.
I originally said I would publish every two weeks so that I would share content regularly, and not build up this kind of backlog. I also want to spend more time writing and sharing my ideas, and felt that a public commitment would help me with that. Instead, I found myself struggling the last several weeks, and then felt embarrassed and ashamed that I wasn’t delivering on that writing commitment. So I hid instead.
I’m sharing this because I feel like it’s something that many of us do - we start off with a grand aspiration for what we want to happen, and then when we find ourselves lagging behind our intended progress, we feel bad about it, so we shut down or avoid the work needed to live into that aspiration, and return to our autopilot routines. This is the classic New Year’s Resolution pattern.
Admittedly, there are reasons for this unintentional break. Part of it is just that I have less capacity than I used to - writing takes focused time and attention, and I rarely have that any more between lack of sleep, taking care of a toddler, and dealing with the various vicissitudes of 2020. And when I do have that focus, I’ve been using it to write notes and ideas for my coaching clients.
I also haven’t developed a consistent habit of writing - per the Tiny Habits ABC methodology, I don’t have an Anchor moment trigger (time of day or calendar reminder or action) to start writing, I don’t have a tiny Behavior of writing (writing just one paragraph, instead thinking I have to write a whole post for it to be “worthwhile”), and I’m not Celebrating when I do write (it feels more like a burden, rather than an activity I enjoy). Interestingly, when I was more motivated, I found a way - my political post was written in fits and spurts over a week as I fit it in around other activities.
And yet, I do think writing is important. Writing scales in a way that my 1:1 coaching does not. I need to remind myself that I am not necessarily writing for immediate consumption, as I get frustrated when I put in the effort to write a blog post, and it gets 22 views upon publication. The true value of writing up a useful framework or perspective is that I can reference it for years - I point people at posts I wrote nearly ten years ago as they still have value.
So when I open up Facebook or a game on my phone instead of opening my laptop to start writing, I want to remember who I am writing for - writing a post is not just for the people like you who are loyal supporters and will read it right away. It’s for the person who finds it five years from now in a Google search. It’s for the people who can’t afford executive coaching, but can still benefit from my perspective. It’s about helping everybody who reads my words gain more clarity and focus so they can have more impact as they live their lives one moment at a time.
That is a vision that inspires me, as opposed to the Inner Critic that beats me up for not delivering on my public commitment to writing more. Would I rather motivate myself with positive impact, or with shame? It seems obvious, and yet somehow I keep trying to use the Inner Critic to whip myself into doing things. It is ineffective as I often resist feeling shamed; a manager tried to force me to do something early in my career, and I stubbornly stood my ground, and he said “Right, I have to use the carrot with Eric, not the stick”. That was nearly 20 years ago, and yet I’m still here trying to use the stick to motivate myself, rather than the carrot. This is what happens when I fall into my autopilot patterns, rather than taking the time to consider what actually works for me.
So I will hereby consciously choose to re-commit to writing, not because I have to, but because I choose to live into that aspiration of sharing wisdom, sharing light, sharing perspective. And I ask you to consider how you can take something that feels like a burden, that you are resisting, and reframe it as something that inspires you, that you are choosing?
News about me:
I am excited to be one of the executive coaches associated with ProjectNext Leadership, a new coaching and consulting firm started by Molly Rosen and Jeff Rosenthal to partner with companies to prepare them for the future through succession planning, and coaching and transforming those in high impact roles into highly effective leaders. Check it out if you want to invest in the next generation of leaders at your organization.
One of my clients asked to record a coaching session, and he has now shared it on his podcast. I’m proud of him for vulnerably sharing his fears around imposter syndrome, and being willing to experiment with a visualization exercise I learned from Steve March’s Aletheia coaching program.
Blog: I wrote a post asking What will you do? sharing my frustration with American politics and culture, and how hopeless it all feels when 40% of the country seems to want to follow Trump down the path of authoritarianism and fascism. And yet, this country was formed on the idea that the will of the people matters, and it’s up to each of us to make it clear that we don’t want that future. So I ask my readers to join me in taking at least one action to change the direction of the country, starting with voting.
LinkedIn: These are ideas or questions that are helping my clients, and that I share via LinkedIn so that they can hopefully help a wider audience.
How do you make progress towards your long-term goals? Breaking your abstract goals into concrete actionable next steps allows you to start making progress.
How are you complicit in creating the circumstances you say you don’t want? Jerry Colonna’s wonderfully insightful question focuses us on the agency we have to create or respond to what’s happening.
Moving beyond “we just have to get through this”. If we keep grinding without giving ourselves a break, we aren't going to make it through the continually surprising and demanding circumstances of 2020.
What are you resisting? We create internal stress by clinging to an idea of how things “should” be. Can we notice that internal resistance, and instead practice acceptance of how things are?
What commitments do you choose? Instead of doing all that is asked for you, what are the impactful and energizing things you choose to do?
Links and resources
I have been appreciating Nilofer Merchant’s @work weekly newsletter, as I resonate with her perspective of value creation deriving from our Onlyness, the place where only we stand.
I also liked Merchants’s essay titled Why We Still Haven’t Found What We’re Looking For, which starts with a quote from an 1867 meeting on voting rights: “Is it the negro’s hour or the women’s hour?” As Merchant explains, “Questions frame and shape a conversation, inform what possibilities are even considered, and so direct our attention to what comes next. Ask a limiting question and everyone’s attention is directed to limited ideas. Ask a generative question and the possibilities open.”
Megan Thee Stallion’s New York Times op-ed states that “Protect Black women should not be controversial” and powerfully shares how black women’s lives and bodies are disrespected and disregarded. As she explains, “too many men treat all women as objects, which helps them to justify inflicting abuse against us when we choose to exercise our own free will.”
WAP, her video collaboration with Cardi B, is a pointed rebuttal to the typical music video where women exist as objects for the male gaze; instead, the video celebrates female sexuality without a man in sight.
This essay on resilience from a sled dog musher was a valuable reminder on the importance of self-care: “We should ask for support before we need it. We should support others before they ask. Because if you don’t know how far you’re going, you need to act like you’re going forever.”
This newsletter continues to be an experiment, and I would love to hear how I could make this more useful for you. Let me know what is working for you, what you want more or less of, or anything else on your mind at eric at toomanytrees. And if you know somebody that could benefit from my perspective, please forward this to them or let them know they can set up a free intro chat with me.
Thanks for reading. See you in a couple weeks.