This is the Too Many Trees newsletter, where I share what I’ve been writing and reading in the realm of leadership and personal development. My coaching practice is centered around the idea that we are more effective in moving towards our goals when we become more conscious and intentional in focusing our time and attention.
For those of us in America, this is a week to give thanks. In a year when so much craziness has happened, and with no sign that things will calm down, I think it is valuable to take the time to appreciate what is going well for each of us, because it is so easy to focus on what we are missing. I am inspired here by Esther Derby asking in her newsletter what I learned and accomplished this year, and where I found joy.
First of all, thanks to each of you who read this newsletter - I appreciate you for signing up to receive my thoughts.
This year, I am also thankful for:
My family’s health: with Covid continuing to rip through America, I no longer take our health for granted.
My family’s economic security: both my wife and I have jobs that we can do from home, with the flexibility to enable us to look after our toddler son. This is very different than the loss of jobs and economic uncertainty that others face.
Other forms of privilege: as a tall white-passing male who grew up in America, I have tremendous advantages that contributed to the above economic security. I have taken a few actions this year to use that privilege to help level the playing field, but continue to look for ways to do more.
My son who has provided many moments of joy this year, including his cackles of laughter as he works on a puzzle, snuggling into me as I read him a book, seeing the light go on for him when he figures something out, his utter fascination with staring at a piece of dirt for 5 minutes, and his excitement running around screaming while waving a stick.
My wife, as our partnership has become even better and more powerful as we navigate the crazy year of 2020 together.
My coaching clients: what an honor it is for people to ask me to help them get unstuck and move forward. I love it when I complete a coaching package with a client and read them what they said at our initial intro chat, and they see how far they’ve come in a few months.
The coaching community: teachers and mentors like Masa Gong and Steve March, the New Ventures West community, coaching friends and fellow travelers, the aspiring coaches I have shared my journey with - I am thankful that this warm and generous community is part of my life.
The little moments: in a year without the big moments of travel and vacations, I have found joy in little things, such as a lazy weekend family breakfast, a picnic in the park with socially distanced friends, going for a bike ride as a family, and sunshine and naps and re-reading favorite books.
Everybody who makes things work: this has been a year to appreciate all of the normally invisible people who keep society functional, from the front-line hospital staff, to the shopkeepers and restaurant owners who found a way to stay open, to the workers who deliver supplies to those businesses and to our homes, to the farmers and agricultural workers producing food, to the people who keep the lights on and the water running. Covid-19 has shown how we are all connected across the world, and I am thankful for all the people that enable the mind-bogglingly complex infrastructure for the essentials of life so that I don’t have to think about how to get food, water, or medical treatment.
What are you thankful for? I’d love to hear from you if you care to share.
And now for the normal personal development content:
LinkedIn: These are ideas or questions that are helping my clients, and that I share via LinkedIn to help a wider audience.
How do you show up? Our presence matters in all of our interactions - when we show up attuned to others, the result is qualitatively different.
4 ways men can support their female colleagues - an HBR summary of actions one can take to practice allyship or leadership: be transparent with critical information, invite and welcome everybody's perspective in meetings, and pay attention to who's doing the "chores" like taking notes. If you are not intentional about the distribution of information, airtime, and tasks, unconscious bias tends to creep in, so consciously pay attention.
Articles and resources I’ve liked
“Other countries have social safety nets. The US has women. … Women serve as the social safety net because norms (norms that serve capitalistic, patriarchal, and white interests) in the U.S. tell them that’s their role." Anne Helen Peterson shares the perspective of a sociologist, Jessica Calarco, on how mothers in particular feel the stress of 2020, since they are expected by society to just make everything work even when they have no structural support.
Rebecca Solnit on Not Meeting Nazis Halfway - "Deference to intolerance feeds intolerance. ... That doesn’t mean that people have to be angry or hate back or be hostile, but it does mean they have to stand on principle and defend what’s under attack."
Advice on resiliency from a Boston cancer doctor - after warning about the oncoming Covid surge, she shares three characteristics of resilient copers, and ends by saying “we now need to make mindful decisions about how we are going to cope with the surge of suffering that is upon us”.
Meghan Markle shares her miscarriage experience - My wife and I experienced a couple miscarriages, and it helps to know how common it is (10-20% of women have experienced a miscarriage) as there is so much associated shame wondering what we did “wrong” (answer: nothing). And I love Markle’s perspective: “I realized that the only way to begin to heal is to first ask, “Are you OK?” … let us commit to asking others, “Are you OK?”
As I give thanks today, I also want to ask “are you OK?” If not, I’m here to support you - don’t hesitate to reach out, even if it’s just to vent or say hi.
Thanks again for reading, and happy Thanksgiving!
Well said, Eric! We can all use a little more screaming while waving a stick. It's far too easy to overlook the positive things happening in 2020 (or any year). These days, I'm thankful for a reinvigorated reading habit and more conversations with friends/family over the phone.