This is the Too Many Trees newsletter, where I share what I’ve been writing and reading in the realm of leadership and personal development. My coaching practice is centered around the idea that we are more effective in moving towards our goals when we become more conscious and intentional in focusing our time and attention, and learn how our unconscious patterns are holding us back. If you know somebody that could benefit from my perspective, please forward this to them or let them know they can set up a free intro chat with me.
I’ve been slowly convincing myself that the essence of my personal development and my work as a coach is being as present as I can in each moment. I further explore the idea in a longer blog post, which I excerpt here:
I’ve been struggling to write this post for days now, as I instead respond to emails, balance my checkbook, play games on my phone, etc. When I slow down and pay attention to what’s happening, I felt the resistance to writing as fear and anxiety over not knowing how to express the inchoate idea I want to convey. With that anxiety of not knowing where to start, this fear derailed me into doing something easier and more defined.
But today I am also paying attention to the dissatisfaction and unpleasant disappointment that comes from avoiding writing. Feeling that discomfort, and connecting to my aspirational identity as a writer, helped me overcome the resistance to starting from the scared part. Acknowledging the fear also lets me reassure that part that I won’t publish until I feel comfortable with what I’ve written.
… addressing the core emotional resistance, the part that doesn’t want to feel something “icky”, is essential; otherwise, that resistant part will find a way to unconsciously undermine all the clever schemes and systems designed to change my behavior. I can only catch it in the act by paying very close attention to my present experience, and noticing how it is derailing me.
I end by suggesting a new mantra for myself to “Be courageously present”. One. Moment. At. A. Time. I feel that’s my current work to do.
How does that land for you?
And now for the normal personal development content:
LinkedIn: These are ideas or questions that help my clients (or myself), and that I share via LinkedIn to help a wider audience.
When learning a new skill, particular an intangible one like leadership, it’s important to celebrate the small steps. It reminds us of why we are working hard to level up, and provides the motivation to keep going.
What is the generative option? Rather than play the zero-sum game where somebody has to lose for you to win, I suggest “Be Kind” as a mantra to play the non-zero-sum infinite game that expands possibilities and creates value for all.
Which problems are you choosing to solve? It’s easy to stick to solving the problems you are good at, but it’s also limiting. Leveling up requires choosing new problems to solve, and letting go of your previous expertise.
When we are at war with ourselves, we can never wield power. Power comes from aligned thought and action, so when we question ourselves, we act with less power. But if we do the work, and develop that clarity and alignment within ourselves, we show up with greater focus and determination, which translates into power.
Articles and resources I’ve found interesting:
When one of the guests on a Reboot podcast offered the phrase "Connection, not perfection" as a mantra, it really hit home for me. It's not about "earning" my relationships, earning my connections, by being perfect and never making a mistake. It's about connecting from who I am, acknowledging that I am human, they are human, and we are all humans doing the best we can in the time we have on this planet. Showing up as our messy selves creates connection, not rejection, as was illustrated by several of you reaching out to share your stories in response to my last newsletter.
I loved Sherry Turkle’s memoir, The Empathy Diaries, as the MIT professor shares her own story in a forthright way, not hiding it out of shame or privacy, to forge a connection with readers. Her story (including repeated battles with sexism and cultural norms) illustrates the power of vulnerability, and she asks us not to lose our empathy and our ability to connect as humans in the service of efficiency and technology. Read the New York Times review for more context.
90 seconds to emotional resilience - this phrase comes from the research of Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor that shows an emotional reaction will physically clear the body in 90 seconds...unless we re-trigger ourselves. So when you find yourself obsessing in a loop about what somebody said, it’s rarely about their words, but instead is often some inner voice echoing and amplifying those words. Courageous presence might help with noticing that inner echo.
Thanks for reading! See you in a couple weeks.